


Something Blue

by blakefancier



Series: Stevie series [5]
Category: Captain America (2011)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Child Abuse, F/M, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-21
Updated: 2012-08-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 13:59:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/491824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stevie is not a princess, Sarah is devious, and Howard's got problems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Blue

**Author's Note:**

> WHY DO I LOVE TO HURT HIM? Oh, Howard, this is what I do to the characters I love. I am sorry. (Except I'm not sorry.)
> 
> This story was supposed to be done a few days ago, but I sort of went out of town this weekend. Still, here it is!

"My mom wants me to wear a dress to the wedding," Steve announced as she stood in front of Howard.

He looked up from his laptop, saw the distressed look on her face, and set the machine aside. "That is SOP, sweetheart."

She flopped on the couch next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. "A dress! A white, frilly dress!"

"Well, what do you want to wear?" He kissed the top of her head.

"I don't know. Something that doesn't look like it belongs on top of a wedding cake." He wisely kept his mouth shut and she let out a soft growl. "Yes, I know. I'm supposed to look like a wedding topper. I know that's the point. I just… What are you wearing?

"Not a frilly dress." She elbowed him in the side and he laughed. "I bought a new suit for the occasion. My stylist tells me I look dashing!"

"Ugh, you're so lucky you're a guy." She let out a frustrated huff. 

"Sweetheart, if you don’t want to wear a wedding dress, don't wear a wedding dress." He shifted slightly so he could cup her face and kiss her properly. "I don't care what you wear to the courthouse, as long as you say 'I do'."

She smiled. "You're such a princess."

"That's pretty, pretty princess to you." He kissed her nose. "If it'll get your mom off your back, you can tell her that I'm wearing a frilly white thong under my suit."

"Tempting, but she already thinks you're weird." She sighed. "Maybe I can talk her down to a sundress."

"Oh, yeah." Howard grinned at her. "Something I can get my hands under after the ceremony." 

"You're such a dirty old man," she said fondly.

"A dirty old man who plans on fingering you the first chance he gets." 

"Oh no, baby boy. I've got different plans for us." Stevie leaned in close and said softly, "You're gonna kneel down, pull down my panties, and lick me until your face is drenched and my knees are weak. You're gonna make me come so hard, aren't you, baby?"

"God, yes." He moaned and licked her mouth; he was achingly hard. "I love you. I love you so fucking much." 

She hummed quietly. "Let's go upstairs. We have time for a quick fuck before my mom comes to talk about the ceremony and reception." 

*****

"I can't wait for you to meet Bucky," Stevie said as they lounged in bed. "He's a really great guy. We've been friends since we were little kids."

"I know. You've mentioned that several times." Howard smiled and stroked her hair; he told himself there was no reason to be jealous. 

"Sorry, I'm just really excited. I haven't seen him in about a year. I just... I just hope he manages it. I know he said he'd come, but it can't be easy to get leave for a wedding that's not yours." She traced circles across his chest.

Howard could hear the hope in her voice and he knew it would kill her if Bucky didn’t show up. "Hey, aren't you the one who told me that Bucky doesn't lie? If he says he's going to be here for the ceremony, he's going to be here." Even if Howard had to call in every favor and hassle all the generals he knew. 

"You're right." Stevie took a deep breath. "I should trust Bucky."

"Do you trust me?" Howard blurted out, then flushed when Stevie blinked in surprised.

"Yes," she said immediately, then grinned. "Why? Are you saying I shouldn't? Are you hiding a deep dark secret, Stark?"

He laughed, squashing down a pang of guilt. "My life is an open book. You should definitely trust me." 

"Good, because I do." Stevie kissed him. "You trust me, right?"

Howard put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. He'd have to tell her soon, he knew he did. But not now, maybe tomorrow. "Implicitly."

*****

Howard tried telling her, but each time he opened his mouth, she'd look at him and smile sweetly, or not so sweetly, and the words just dried up. 

*****

The day before they were going to get their marriage license, Sarah finally showed her hand. She sat them down at the table and said, calmly, "I'll give you permission to marry on one condition."

"I knew it." Stevie crossed her arms over her chest. "I knew it was too easy."

"Stevie." Howard touched her shoulder; he wasn't surprised either. "Let her finish. What condition is that, Sarah?"

"That I'm allowed to move in with the both of you until the baby's a few months old."

"No way!" Stevie rose to her feet so fast that the chair toppled over. "No! No, no, no!"

Howard just stared at Sarah in shock.

"Stevie, this is your first baby. You're going to need my help."

"No!" Stevie shook her head. "Howard, tell her no!"

He blinked rapidly. "I… Your mom just wants to make sure you're getting the proper care you need."

"That’s what the doctor is for." Steve clenched her jaw and glared at both of them. "You're not moving in, Mom. You're not. The baby is going to be here before we know it. I just want some time to be with Howard, just the both of us. Is that too much to ask? Is it?"

Sarah also got to her feet; she had the same angry, stubborn look as Stevie. "You're my daughter, Stevie. I'm worried about you!"

Howard looked at each of them and swallowed nervously. "Sarah, what if we agree to revisit the subject in a few months?"

"Howard," Stevie cried.

"Come on, sweetheart, it's a big house. And you might need her in a few months." He reached out to rub Stevie's arm but she jerked away. He sighed and turned to Sarah. "Please? Please, Sarah."

"Fine! You two can get married and we'll talk about it in a few months."

"Great!" Howard smiled in relief.

"Yeah," Stevie said, "just fantastic." Then she stormed out of the room. 

"Should I follow her?" His stomach roiled in anxiety. 

"Give her a few hours to cool off. " Sarah sighed and flopped back in her chair. "I do want her to be happy, Howard. But I want her to be healthy, too."

"I know. I get it. But you know better than I do that she doesn't like being treated like a child." He rubbed his thumb along the edge of the table.

"She *is* a child," Sarah said firmly. 

Howard quirked his lips. "She really isn't. And if you haven't noticed that, maybe you need to take off the blinders." He stood up. "You know what, I think maybe I'm going to check on her now."

*****

Stevie was sitting on the bed staring at her bare feet when he walked into his bedroom. 

He sat down next to her and joined her in looking at her feet. She'd painted her toenails a dark purple; they were very pretty.

"I think my ankles are swollen." She wiggled her toes.

"They look fine to me." Howard frowned and tilted his head, then he glanced at her out the corner of his eyes. "Are you mad?"

"No, no, I'm not mad." Stevie sighed and turned to look at him. "You don't have to do that, you know. You don't have to be the guy who tries to smooth things over between everybody."

He shrugged and stared at the carpet. "I don't like it when the people I care about fight with each other."

She reached over and touched his thigh. "Is this a thing? A childhood thing?"

"I guess." He gnawed on his thumbnail. 

"Oh." Stevie put her arms around him and pulled him close. "I'm sorry, baby boy. I didn't mean to upset you." 

Howard let out a huff and pressed his face against her breasts; they were soft and warm and he nuzzled them through her t-shirt. 

Stevie gently stoked his hair and he closed his eyes, humming with pleasure. She held him close like that until he felt relaxed and sleepy. Then she pressed a kiss to the top of his head and tugged on his hair; he sat back. "Feel better?" she asked.

"Yes." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Thank you." 

She smiled and caressed his cheek. "I'm just glad you didn't motorboat me." 

"Maybe next time," he said, laughing. 

*****

Howard couldn't sleep, he couldn't work, he couldn't do much of anything, but it wasn't because the wedding was in a few days. He was sure about marrying Stevie, he was sure about marrying her way back when they were first dating, the only time it had ever wavered was when he first found out she was sixteen and not nineteen. And he was over that now. Mostly over it. 

Except, now she needed to know his dirty little secrets. She needed to be able to make an informed decision, even if it meant that she called off the wedding.

*****

He made sure to go over when he knew Sarah was at work because, God, if she found out… He gnawed on his thumbnail and rocked on the balls of his feet as his stomach practically tied itself into knots. He knocked on the door and a few moments later, it opened to Stevie's surprised face.

"Howard, what are you doing here? We said we wouldn't see each other until we got to the courthouse!" She smiled at him and he tore part of the nail from his finger: he could taste blood. 

"We need to talk," he said, his voice hoarse, tears prickling at his eyes. God, stop it, he thought. Be a fucking man. What the fuck is wrong with you?

"Okay." Stevie gestured him in. "Are you all right? You look pale."

Howard sat on the couch, bouncing his leg, hands clasped tightly in his nap. "No. No, I'm… I'm not all right. I… We need to talk."

"Are you…" Stevie swallowed hard and touched her stomach. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"No! God, no, Stevie. But you might want to. " If she were smart, she'd run far, far away from him. "Sit down."

It would be easier to talk if she sat on the chair, but Stevie sat next to him instead. "What's going on, Howard? You're scaring me." 

Howard shifted around to face her because he owed her that, even if he had a hard time looking her in the eyes. "I should have told you this a long time ago. I know I should have, Stevie. And I want you to know that if you decide not to marry me, I'll understand." 

Stevie shook her head and said in a tiny, frightened voice, "What did you do?"

He wanted to touch her, to gather her up in his arms and tell her that it wasn’t so bad, but it was bad and he couldn’t stand it if Stevie rejected his touch. "I told you about my childhood, about my parents."

"I remember," Stevie said softly. "You said they were unhappily married, that they fought all the time." 

"It was more than just fighting, Stevie. They'd scream at each other for hours. Scream the most horrible things and no matter where I was in the house, I could hear them." He took a deep, shaky breath and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to hear that. But why would that make me want to call off our marriage?"

Howard told himself to focus; he needed to get this out. "I can't ever remember a time when my dad wasn’t drinking. But it got worse as their fighting got worse. If he was drunk, she couldn't goad him into a fight. Of course, that made her mad. Oh, she'd be so *angry* when he got drunk. She couldn't scream at the servants, and Eddie was gone by then. There was just… just me." He felt sick, like he was going to puke. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. He started when he felt Stevie's hand against the back of his neck, gently massaging him.

"It's okay. You're okay. You're safe, baby boy. No one is going to hurt you." Stevie tried to pull him close, but he resisted. If he let her, he might break down.

"I have to tell you this," he said.

"No, you don't. Not if it hurts you." Stevie ran her fingers through his hair. 

"Please, I need to. I…" He pulled away, ignoring the look of pain on Stevie's face. "The scars on my back, the ones I told you were from an experiment gone wrong? They weren't." 

"Your dad didn't do anything?" Stevie asked, outrage in her voice.

"He was too drunk to notice. Or maybe he didn't care, I don't know." Howard looked away so he wouldn’t' have to see the disgust and pity in Stevie's eyes. "My mother didn’t like me much. Except as a punch bag." 

"She was an idiot then, because you're amazing. You—God, if your parents were still alive, I'd kick their butts! I'd…" Stevie let out a growl and when she pulled Howard into a hug, he let her. He let Stevie hold him and stroke his hair and call him her sweet baby boy.

Howard nuzzled her breasts, while she whispered promises to take care of him. Promises that he knew were lies because once she found out about him, she wouldn't want him. After a while, he pulled away and wiped his eyes on his sleeve; he needed to finish this. "One day, after she'd finished with me, I went into the library to lick my wounds, and Dad was there. Drunk, like always. He was cradling a bottle of whiskey. I picked it up to put it away, but when I had it in my hands…"

"You hit him over the head with it?" Stevie asked hopefully. 

He let out a bark of laughter. "I almost wish I had. But no, no, I took it upstairs and got drunk and so began my long, tempestuous relationship with alcohol. I was eleven."

"Eleven! Howard, you were just a little kid! Didn't *anyone* notice? Your relatives or the school?" Stevie sounded furious; Howard tensed.

"No. Why would they? I kept my grades up and Eddie never visited. We got one phone call a year at Christmas" Howard stared down at his hands. "By the time I got into high school, I was drinking all the time. I made friends with a few of the upperclassmen, and they'd take me to parties. That's where I got into real trouble. Because while drinking made the pain fuzzy, drugs just numbed me completely. At first it was mostly weed and pills, but then I found coke. And boy, was that a fast friendship. That's when things started to spiral."

"How old were you then?" Stevie asked, taking his hand in hers.

He looked up at her. "Fifteen."

"And still no one noticed?" Stevie squeezed his hands so tightly that it hurt.

He shook his head. "Not until I was arrested for possession. I convinced the cops to call Eddie instead of my parents." Howard laughed. "I hadn't seen him in eight years. He didn't even recognize me at first. But I have to give him credit for really seeing how screwed up I was."

"Why wasn't he there to notice sooner? He knew what your parents were like. He was your big brother, why didn't he protect you? Why—"

"Stevie, don’t! Just don't, okay? It wasn't his fault. None of it was his fault. He—" Howard's voice broke. He paused a moment to collect himself before he continued. "He listened to me. He listened in a way no one had before. Then he went to bat for me. He yelled at our parents. He yelled and threated and… and by the end of the day I was on my way to a very discreet rehab center."

Stevie looked tense and unhappy about the whole situation and Howard couldn't blame her. "Lots of people have had drinking and drug problems, Howard." 

"But do you want to be married to one of them?"

She bit her bottom lip and looked thoughtful. "You still drink."

"Yes, but I have rules. I don't drink alone or before noon. I never drink hard liquor, and I'm only allowed two glasses of alcohol a day. It's…" He swallowed hard. "Going cold turkey doesn't work for me."

"And the drugs?"

"Not since I was sixteen." That was one addiction he had managed to control.

"Oh, well, that's good, right?" She looked a little stunned now and Howard's heart sank.

"There's more," he said softly.

Stevie gave him an exasperated look. "Oh goodie."

Howard crossed his arms over his chest. "At the rehab facility I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Evidently that's not uncommon with people who have childhoods like mine."

She blinked slowly. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm on Prozac and I get to see a shrink once a week." 

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" Stevie played with her engagement ring, twisting it, pulling it off and putting it back on; it was unnerving.

He shrugged and looked away. "I was afraid you'd dump me so I kept putting it off. You probably should dump me. I've already screwed up one marriage."

"You divorced because of your depression?"

"I wasn't on medication then. I thought I could manage it on my own." Those had been horribly unstable years for him; Maria and Tony had paid the price for his arrogance. "It was… bad. I started drinking again, too." 

"Oh." Stevie sounded overwhelmed.

Howard swallowed hard. "You can keep the ring. And of course, I'll take care of medical expenses for you and the baby. And I'll pay child support. However much you think is fair and… and…" He choked on the rest of the words. God, he was glad that they'd only told immediate family about the wedding. 

"Howard," Stevie said, cupping his face, "what are you talking about?"

"Tony and your mom will be glad that we're not going through with it. Your friend Bucky, too, I wager." His voice was thick with tears; he was so fucking pathetic. Why was he so pathetic? So useless?

"Of course we're going through with it! Howard, we're getting married in two days!" Stevie brushed the tears from his face.

"But I'm fucked up, Stevie! I'm… I'm broken!" His breath was coming in harsh sobs.

"No, you're not! You are not broken and you're not fucked up. You're perfect and I'm going to marry you. We're going to have a baby and we're gonna be a family. Don't you want to be a family?" Steve's voice wavered. "Don't you?"

"Yes, of course I do. That's all I want." He put his arms around her and held on tightly. His body was tense and he realized he was waiting for Stevie to push him away. Which she didn't do, of course she didn't.

Stevie wrapped her arms around him and kissed him hard. "I love you and I want to meet with your shrink, okay?"

"Okay," he said, and buried his face against her neck. He shuddered and she rubbed his back. "I love you, too." 

When he finally calmed down, Stevie gently disengaged from him. "So, um, I have my own confession."

He would have been alarmed, but he was too emotionally exhausted. "You're really a green-skinned alien from Orion?"

Stevie chuckled softly. "I knew you were a Trekkie!" 

Howard sniffled and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, you found out my real secret."

"You have the DVD box set of every single Star Trek series ever made, even Enterprise, and all the movies. It wasn't that big of a secret. But seriously, I do have something to tell you." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's not really that big of a deal. I mean, I don't think so, but a lot of people do. When I was five, I was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. "

"You have cancer!" Panic made Howard's pulse race.

Stevie rolled her eyes. "No, I *had* cancer. I went into remission when I was seven and I've been cancer free since then. " 

"Could it come back?" He took her hand in his.

"After nine years I probably have a better chance of getting hit by a bus." She smiled at him. "Relax, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm happy and healthy and our baby will be too. I promise." 

"Right." He'll have to do some research, find out for himself.

Stevie shook her head. "Mom's got books and articles and stuff. I know you'll want to read up on this yourself." He tried not to look guilty; Stevie laughed and hugged him. "I really do love you, Howard Stark."

"And I love you, Stevie Rogers."

"Soon to be Stevie Stark," she said, almost gleefully.

God, that sounded perfect. He leaned over and kissed her. "Yeah, yeah, you are."


End file.
